Friday, January 22, 2016
Flint Michigan receives Third World Status!
Flint, Michigan, lies about 70 miles northwest of the Detroit failed-state. In a desperate cost cutting measure two years ago, the state of Michigan decided to switch water supplies for Flint, Michigan from The Great Lake Huron to the polluted Flint River. It was thought that the river, nicknamed "brownie", would do a heck of a job.
Crippling bureaucracy in the failed state of Michigan is leading to political infighting about whether the city or the state should pay to provide it's citizens with non-poisonous water. The 100,000 residents of Flint are desperately seeking donations of clean drinking water. Flint has now officially been adopted into the Coalition of the Third World. Michigan's application is still under review.
884 million people in the world lack access to safe water supplies. 100,000 of those people live in Flint Michigan. Undersecretary of State for Democracy and Global Affairs Maria Otero told CNN "On average, women in developing countries walk 6 kilometers a day to collect water" because there is not enough of it nearby. Luckily in Flint there are enough abandoned GMs to help ferry water from international water donation stations. Many families are being forced to travel to multiple donation stations a day to get enough drinking water due to rationing.
NGO organizations throughout Northern Africa volunteered cleaning and storage options aid for Flint until it was discovered that Michigan could have remedied the lead issues two years ago with an anti-corrosive agent at a cost of $100 a day (real fact). Sudan's leader Omar Al-Bashir was quoted as saying "I wish I had thought of that".
Kim Jong-Un was unavailable for comment.
In October 2015 residents were instructed to stop drinking the municipal tap water to avoid developmental disabilities and kidney damage. They were told to minimize skin contact with the water to avoid rashes. Since then residents of Flint have been making multiple mile trips every day to pick up gallons of water for everyday drinking, cooking, and bathing. The highly acidic flint river water started corroding the lead water mains still installed throughout Flint. This was initially hoped to produce a new generation of Van Gogh or Beethoven - level unbalanced artists. This acidic water travelling through lead pipes has resulted in toddlers doubling and tripling lead levels in the two years this cost savings measure has been in effect. No evidence of hallucinatory paintings or haunting symphonies have been yet reported.
Donald Trump, when reached for comment, said "let them drink juice"